This is from a couple of months ago.
I had a long, complicated dream last night. I must have had it right before I woke up this morning because I remembered it so well. I said it over to myself while getting up so it wouldn’t fade from my memory.
I was working late at my university. It must have been modeled on the new campus at SUNY Utica because it had that feel: removed from the city and slightly elevated above it. A thick fog had settled over everything. When I was finally ready to leave, the fog was too thick for me to make it home safely so I called a friend –it was Tom Hassler, who directed the Computer Center—and arranged to stay with him for the night. He told me to meet him part way down the hill. He’d be in his car and lead me to his home.
There was a confused portion of the dream then. Driving. Occasional cars on the road, some of them driving the wrong way but I avoided hitting them. I followed the tail lights of Tom’s car to his house and once we were there, called Esther to tell her I’d be staying there that night and not to worry.
The dream shifted gears. We were involved in some very high security project and night after night, I had to stay on campus. Every evening, after my work was done, I called Esther and we talked for a while. I couldn’t talk about the work so we played a game. Starting with the letter “A” and working through the alphabet, each night we’d have a conversation about something starting with the letter for the night. A, B, C… I remember for “F” it was “Fur.” I told Esther how much I loved running my hands through her hair, we talked about Phoebe’s, Peach’s, Atlas’s fur, how I thought that our cat Chili had had the most beautiful fur of all the animals we’d had, joked about the lack of fur on top of my head. Then we’d say we loved each other and hang up, not to talk until the next night.
It went on, one letter a night, until we reached the letter “Z.” I remarked how Z started in one direction, doubled back in the opposite, then zigged back again and headed off to where it had originally been headed. We said we loved each other and I hung up.
Then they told me that Esther had died –cancer. They’d made an analogue of her –a robot or AI– because it was important I not get distracted while I was working on this project.
***
I woke up feeling loss but not sad. Calm and reflective, actually. It was more like that’s the way things are, an epiphany although I’m not sure what was realized. 
dallybooks 